Dreams

Last night, I had two really weird dreams as a result of coming off pain medication (for the second time). For the most part, I could not sleep last night. I was hot and tossing and turning, but the two times I did drift off, here are my dreams:

In the first one, Keith and I were shopping. It was in a big store, kind of like Best Buy. The store had electronics, appliances, furniture and recliners. We were looking for some furniture for Colin. As we rounded the corner, about to head down the aisle with the recliners, I notice that the two guys checking out the recliners are not wearing pants! I am standing in shock as they tell Keith that they had to make sure they really liked them, as satisfaction was guaranteed!

In the second one, I was going to have to take a lot of different pills and I was holding one particular bottle that caught my attention. The pills were like little crystals and the bottle was glass. It looked old. I was tapping the side of the bottle with my extremely long fingernails, making the crystals bounce against the side of the glass. When I woke up, I realized that the chain from the ceiling fan was clinking against the base and had worked its way into my dreams.

No more drugs for me!

On another note, I have begun to realize, or maybe I have always known, that I am a very impatient and sometimes angry person. I have a hard time waiting, especially with big things, and I worry a lot. Also, I have a hard time letting go of my anger, especially when I have been hurt. These are some things I really want to work on. Keith put several bible verses together for me today about waiting and trusting in the Lord, and I thought I'd share them with you. They are good reminders and great verses to pray. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Seek first the kingdom of God and all of these things will be added to you. Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find. I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord. I will never leave you; I will never forsake you. The love of the Lord is never ceasing. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!"

Wednesday Blues

I am crabby today and don't feel like doing any school stuff. I assigned 5 detentions and took a cell phone in 2nd period alone. Now I should be grading and planning, but just don't feel like even being here. Do you ever have those days and then just sit at your desk and stare? Ugh. I think it is because I am so tired. I am still not sleeping well because my hip and back ache a bit at the end of the days.

Another reason I think I might feel crabby today is because I went to bed last night upset. Its the beginning of the month, which, of course, means it is also time to pay bills. Money stuff always gets me down. I dream of being independently wealthy and being able to spend long days at home taking care of my house and children. I dream being a perfect wife with time to cook and clean and make everything perfect for my husband, greeting him at the door in a cute dress in the evenings with dinner ready on the table. Instead, I work a 40 hour-a-week job and the house work is thrown to the side and dinner is rarely ready before 8 pm. We scrimp by on both of our pay checks and barely make ends meet getting everything paid.

In the back of my mind, I know I should be grateful to God for providing us good jobs, especially mine, which is close to home, has good hours (I get out at 2:45 pm every day) and that Colin's day care is right at my work. I know I should spend each day, and especially each pay period, thanking God for providing exactly what we need to make ends meet, that our needs and often our wants are continually taken care of. But, somehow, I keep finding that I am an ungrateful and selfish human. I want things that are out of my grasp and I get down and sometimes angry when I can touch those dreams. I guess I really need to pray more about being content.

I actually had my students write about this today. We are starting The Great Gatsby and I had my students journal about things that they desired, goals that they wanted to achieve, and things that they just plain wanted that were out of reach. They, surprisingly, didn't complain too much about writing this and had a lot to write. Most wrote over the half page minimum and most didn't want to share what they wrote. I was glad I picked something inspiring. Its not often that I can find things that really get 11th graders to want to write.

Well, I've been slowly writing this all day and it is now my second planning period and the end of the day. I suppose I should actually churn out some work before heading home.